You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
