Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
