im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
