Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
