Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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