Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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