Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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