To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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