I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
