Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I could make wine with my vomit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
PANTIES FOUND
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