just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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