Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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