Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
