You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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