you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We need a shit load of segways right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
