My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
