Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
