he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
