I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
