o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
try to milk me bitch
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