We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize