do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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