I got chris browned last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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