I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
