Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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