We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
