he thought i was a dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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