btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
