flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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