don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As shirtless as possible
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
