i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
