she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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