Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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