You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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