I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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