I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
