We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
