the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
