do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
