Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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