Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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