You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
