Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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