i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are two peas in an std pod
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
