After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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