That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
