words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Randomize
