At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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