Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
