I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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