Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
