the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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