Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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