also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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