I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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