I want to make a zoo with you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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