The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
