How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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