There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
