I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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