thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
