she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize