omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
