Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Shame - the story of my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
