this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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