I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
