I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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