On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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