Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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