I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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