I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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