maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
