I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
